Facing facts.

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January is finally over! I’ve done a lot of reflecting this new year…I think I spent far too much time trying to be a grown up last year and put way too much pressure on myself. So this year I’m pumping the breaks…for my sanity… and just living my life…

I’ve always been slightly spooked by the idea of being a grown up…
I attempted University after uhming and ahing for months and that was a complete failure!
I was also quite happy living at home – excited by the idea of moving out, but I wasn’t in any particular rush at 20 years old.. but then the ‘rents decided to move to Cornwall! So I chose to stay behind and move in with the boy, after a bit of sofa surfing. Which was a tad daunting, but so far so good!
I’ve also never been 100% set in stone as to what I want to be when I’m big, but finally feel settled in my career choice and more motivated to take things further. I still want to do absolutely anything and everything but for now, I’ve definately found my calling!
Because of this, I toned down my look – keeping my hair blonde, ditching the hoodies and trainers in the office and trying to dress smart and professional.
Things are starting to snowball now, the possibility of buying a house, climbing the career ladder and everyone around us is either having babies or getting married, so it’s kind of official really… I’m an adult. Yet I still don’t feel ready….
Recently I was slightly jealous of all our couple friends getting engaged, but after some reflection, I felt it would be weird if the boy popped the question…or if we had a baby… definitely not ready for that shit… I’m way to irresponsible and selfish!
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When do you ever feel truly grown up…? I always have this feeling that I’m faking it, when I do something grown up..
I bought a car last week. My proper big girl car… much newer, bigger and cooler than anything I’ve ever driven before. And even as I was driving off, I thought they would come chasing after me saying they had made a mistake, and that I should take my old banger back…
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I feel like I should be I.d’d for doing my food shop sometimes… like surely they must think I’m shopping for my Nanna to get some pocket money!
We also bought a new bed! Which was a challenging task for us… and we even put it up.. with some difficulty mind.. but it’s still up!
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A friend of mine, who is a few years older than me now, feels the same sometimes… should she grow out of her love for dance music? And my answer is fuck no! Embrace being young and fun, no matter what age! I don’t ever want to grow out of drum and base or lose sight of my experimental fashion sense…. so I dyed my hair blue.

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Yep. I’ve completely lost it and dyed my whole head bright blue!
I don’t want to forget who I am..so I’m bringing back some colour and wearing what ever I want – even if this isn’t particularly grown up! Sod it… there will be days where I have to mature and level headed. But right now, I’m going to make the most of the fact I have very little responsibility in life! #YOLO!
Laterz bitches x

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